4.01 Northwest Passages Storylines ---------- Maggie turns 30. Marilyn takes driving lessons. Maurice writes his memoirs. Music ----- Happy Birthday, Stevie Wonder (Joel visits Maggie in the hospital) Quotes ------ In the Orient, old age is revered. It's a time of wisdom and influence. That's the way it should be. (Chris to Maggie, on her birthday) My colleagues from Columbia are nipping and tucking their way up Park Avenue to Westchester; I'm stuck in the middle of Alaska, just praying for a case of Lyme's disease. (Joel to Marilyn) You make me nervous. Oh, I make YOU nervous? (Marilyn to Joel, refusing his offer of driving lessons) Does a piece of paper make two people more married, does a barmitzvah make a child a man? Why do I have the urge to legitimize myself with a piece of paper? Was it to simply put a post-it-note in this chapter of my life or to say to the world, Kilroy Stevens, too, is here. (Chris, on his official engineer certificate) Yeah, but 30! You get crow's feet and chicken chin. Your nips start heading south and your bum turns to yogurt! (Shelly to Maggie, her opinion of "old" age) To hold back the terrors of aging, they'll go to the river and send messages to all the people they've known dead and alive who are holding them in the past, and then they think that the river delivers all those messages. (Ed to Maggie) Same time tomorrow? I'm afraid not. I'm too old for this sort of thing. Any more stress on these worn out nerves and they'll snap just like a frayed old fan belt. (Ruth-Anne to Marilyn, declining more lessons) I think you're in denial. About what? Turning 30. That's ridiculous! So heavily into denial, you're denying your denial. (Joel to Maggie) I'm a student of this life, not a teacher. I'm more like a sponge, than a fountain. (Chris to Marilyn, reluctant to teach driving) That's why your passage ritual is so perfect. Because it's a way for me to unburden myself of everything that's been festering in my guts and expel it into the universe like a big popped boil. (Maggie to Ed, on sending letters downstream) Driving's kind of like breathing. You can't think too much about it...The road is your future. You, the vehicle, and the road. You're part of a continuum...The greater your rapport with the vehicle, the greater your joy! Take my bike; why do I have a Hog? I could get from point A to B in a station wagon, a mini-van, a moped, right? For me, a Harley Davidson is the ultimate driving machine. I think, therefore I do. (Chris instructs Marilyn on driving) Okay, let's mail you guys. Rick ... Bruce ... Bye Bruce! ... David ... Take care of yourself, David. ... Glenn ... (Maggie mails the letters in the river) By thirty, you should be pretty much where you're going. But, where am I? Alaska. Yeah, that too. Nowhere. (Joel and Ed) I'm not adorable anymore. You look okay to me, Dr. Fleischman. Thanks; thank you Ed. I didn't mean it like that. I mean you're cute; better than okay. I would call you handsome, but you're really not very tall. More like cute. (Joel and Ed, on not being the center of attention anymore) Before we get behind the wheel today, I thought we'd take a look under the hood. Most people are afraid of technology. Their solution is to forget it. They get in the car and they go. They move without understanding. I want you to always keep in mind the words of Robert Pirsig. He wrote a book called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. He pointed out, wisely I think, that Buddha is just as comfey in the gears of a cycle transmission as he is in the mountain tops or the petals of a flower. (Chris to Marilyn) Well, I think she went this way. You do? Yep, see there ... that twig snapped ... and there's a footprint. Hmm, You can track. You learn that, or are you born that way? Beats me ... (Ed and Joel look for Maggie) Why are you shivering? Why do you think? I froze to death on a glacier! (Maggie to David in her hallucination) We didn't have good sex? Mediocre at best. It was all right, I guess. Nothing to write home about. I liked it okay. (Maggie and Glen, Rick, David, and Bruce) Did we ... uh ... Uh huh. But you're not ... Lightning. Oil rig. I was taking some pictures for an annual report. BOOM. (Maggie learns the fate of Steve Escandon) I'm going to unzip your trousers and I'm going to pull them down over your hips. I'll try not to get turned on. (Joel to Maggie) I miss walking. (Marilyn to Chris, stopping her driving lessons) 'Been thinking about where I'd be without all those teachers who taught me. Uncle Roy Bauer--respect for the rifle, rules of the woods. Erasmus--reason, the harmonious shaping of my mental world. Then it came my turn. Graduation from student, I became teacher. A chance to light somebody else's fire. What did I do? I blew it. I blew it, plain and simple. I flunked the course. My student came to me with a desire to know the time and I told her how to build a watch. (Chris, on his failure to be a good teacher) You were on a helicopter? You're scared of helicopters. Yeah, well. I'm right there. Truly horrible. They have no wings. You know that? They don't even have doors. (Maggie to Joel in the hospital)

4.02 Midnight Sun Storylines ---------- Joel coaches the basketball team. A travelling clothing-salesman visits town. Quotes ------ What was it? I'm not sure, but that's the good thing about round things: they always roll back from where they've been. (Chris & Ed, the lost basketball found) What happened to that Fleischman angst? That scowl that's always across your face? Where's Dr. Dismal? (Maggie to a sun-silly Joel) I LOVE this place! (A sun-silly Joel) Would you like to have sex with me? No. See. There it is again. That wonderful Cicely directness. I love it. Thank you. Don't mention it. (Joel and Maggie) I didn't know you Jewish people were tall enough to care about basketball. (Maurice to Joel) Fleischman! There is no such thing as a termite emergency! (Maggie to Joel) I saw how fabulous you look; like this incredibly voluptuous sweatpant-clad wood-nymph. (Joel to Maggie) Cicely, Alaska. God's health spa. (Maurice's new business plan) I've got to go home, Coach Fleischman. I've got to do some things. Like what? Eat. Sleep. Things like that. (Ed to Joel after a long workout) And so, the rubber spheroid arced beneath the brilliant lights. Headed for a hoop of dreams he'd dreamt of all those nights. The crowd gasped as the ball descended; Would it grant their fondest wish? There was no doubt in Casey's mind, He knew it was a SWISH! (Joel's rendition of "Casey at the Hoop") It's the home cooking you miss. Or, maybe it's the home. (Gillis to Ruth-Anne, about life on the road) Joel, as a native New Yorker, what's your estimate of the number of depressives in your home town? Pretty much everyone. Except maybe Howard Stern, but he's probably faking it. (Maurice to Joel) Holling gets a charge out of seeing you in your uniform? It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull. (Maggie to Shelly, about her cheerleading outfit) How was your nap? Long. (Ed to Joel, after he awakes) Who would've thought such a slight tilt in our earthly axis could make such a big difference in our lives? The big wheel keeps on turning and here we are again, looking in the sweet face of darkness. Now the day is over, night is drawing nigh, Shadows of the evening steal across the sky. A KBHR reminder to all our loyal listeners: this evening marks the end of our collective midsummer night's dream. So get those pupils ready to dilate because, for the first time in a long time, our constant companion, old Sol, is embarking on a quickie vacation, a short dip benearth the horizon, a junket to whichever Club Med accommodates medium-sized stars. While he's gone, I want all of you out there to be alert, be careful, and please, please, please, three times please, turn on your headlights. (Chris on the air, quoting the hymn "Now the Day is Over")

4.03 Nothing's Perfect Storylines ---------- Chris kills a woman's pets. Maurice buys an old clock. Quotes ------ Joel, the concept of random death in an indifferent world is one thing, but to be the instrument of that death? A dogkiller?...I don't suppose you'd tell the owners? (Chris to Joel, after hitting the dog) I study other transcendental numbers, but I don't know...there's something about pi. I think it's the circle, the continuum, the mystery of the infinite. (Amy and Chris talk about pi) I just have this feeling if I take pi, well past all this static, take pi to 10 million, 20 million digits, that I'll find something really incredible. Not just a pattern, not just an order, but a sign. A mathematical sign. Like a message from God? (Amy and Chris) You fell in love with the woman who's pet you murdered? (Joel to Chris) Was Rusty just a sacrificial lamb, I ask myself, a chess piece whose only purpose on earth was to bring us together? Or is there a darker more ominous meaning? Was he the first shoe to drop? A domino in a chain of events that will lead to our mutual annihilation? (Chris to Joel, pondering his relationship with Amy) How ya doing little bird? Little bird? (Chris "tends" a pet) First the dog, then the bird. She's going to think I did it on purpose. Maybe she's right. Who knows what kind of evil forces are driving me to kill? Some deep-seated hatred toward women? A death-wish of my own maybe? (Chris to Ruth-Anne) It won't work. People know their pets. Of course they do when they're a couple of rungs up on the evolutionary ladder. This isn't an Irish setter who brings your slippers. This is a parakeet. They're practically non-interactive. (Ruth-Anne criticizes Chris's plan) It's one of the best vintages in the past 50 years. Taste it. See what you think. Ummm! Tastes like Robitussin! (Maurice and Shelly, viewing the clock) Will the loss of this motorcycle equal the loss of a parakeet or a dog? (Chris to Amy, an "eye for an eye" moment) This magnificent clock will be keeping bad time long after I'm just a footnote in the Smithsonian catalog. (Maurice to Rolf, taking back the clock) Recent events have set me pondering that old ontological riddle: life. Is it random or systematic? Today I opted for the systematic approach. Algebraic if you will. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Like most human beings I've tried to make sense of things. I don't know if I accomplished anything. I don't know if anybody can. Isaac Newton thought that the universe functioned like clockwork, like a well-oiled machine. That's a comforting vision--neat, orderly, predictable. Unfortunately, it's a vision that's pretty much been shot to pieces by relativity, quantum mechanics, and all the other bugaboos of twentieth-century physics. The universe is weird. We break our teeth developing theories, equations, systems and where does it all leave us? "A system is like the tail of truth, but truth is like a lizard. It leaves its tail in your fingers and runs away knowing full well it will grow a new one in a twinkling." (Chris, quoting Ivan Turgenev)

4.04 Heroes Music ----- Old Time Rock and Roll, Bob Seeger (Chris watches Tooley at the Last Supper club) Storylines ---------- Chris receives a body in the mail. Rock star Brad Bonner appears in Cicely. Quotes ------ Alaska? That's cool. Bears. Penguins. Pipelines. (Brad Bonner arrives in the North. Penguins?) Are you in detox? (Brad to a speechless Shelly) Sorry about Freddie. Freddie? Your first drummer. Your twin. (Shelly and Brad) If I take my shirt off it will have to be between you and me. I haven't had my chest waxed in weeks. (Brad to Joel) Dateline: Mesopotamia, 3500 B.C. That's when the multi-faceted sounds we call music got its humble beginnings. It seems clappers were sent out the the fields to scare evil spirits away. These clappers started getting into the beat of their duty and, bingo, you got drums. From there, horns, strings, reeds, the whole orchestral gestalt. So, born in staving off death, music continues to nourish us in a variety of forms as different as the colors of the spectrum. (Chris on the air introduces Brad) Hendrix? Purple Haze. Woodstock. "Star Spangled Banner". Headband. Oh. Black dude, right? He wrote the "Star Spangled Banner" didn't he? (Brad displays his intelligence to Chris) I make a point of not listening to music released before 1987. My music comes from deep inside me and I don't like to pollute my musical ground-water. (Brad's deep philosophy, to Chris) Mummification -- now that's interesting, but seeing how the cult of Cyrus is history, there's nobody left to do it up right. Plus, I probably couldn't get the palm wine and spices for the job anyway. You see, each answer only rattles the question harder. (Chris ponders what to do with Tooley) I just don't want to have any knee-jerk decisions being made. Eternal rest isn't something you should rush into. (Chris to Joel, on why the body isn't buried) The Indians said you're very good, but you're like a pebble. I'm like a pebble? A pebble in the shoe. (Ed to Brad, on the cancellation of the gig) Ten centuries back, a fallen Viking warrior was let go, released to his second death, adrift a burning boat, solo, his helmet and his shield across his strapping barrel chest. Tooley wasn't Scandinavian exactly, but he did embody the spirit and physique of the mighty Norseman. True, we don't have a boat to set aflame, but we have The Fling, which Webster's describes as a brief time of wild pleasures. In just a handful of seconds, Tooley's going to experience things we can only imagine. He's going to soar like an albatross, plunge like a grayling into the crystal waters and start on a fling of his own to places that we can only ponder in the daylight and experience in our dreams. (Chris prepares to fling Tooley)

4.05 Blowing Bubbles Storylines ---------- Mike Monroe moves to Alaska. Ruth-Anne's son Matthew visits. Quotes ------ He's allergic. To what? The twentieth century. (Joel to Maggie, on Mike) Considering the wholesale trashing of the planet, the daily degradation we've inflicted on Gaia since the dawn of the industrial revolution, it strikes me as hardly surprising that we're all walking time bombs, immunologically speaking, and that some of us will go off sooner than others. (Chris to Maurice, about Mike) I'm not the one who's talking about hot-waxing the elephant man here. Drop dead, Fleischman! (Joel & Maggie) I think of myself as a canary in a coal mine. (Mike to Joel) Nah! He's crazy. He is ... He is completely bonkers; beyond the pale. But what sublime madness! (Joel to Maggie, about Mike) Gimme a break, O'Connell. See, the bubble man is right out of Emily Bronte. He's handsome, flawed, and totally inaccessible. He's perfect for you. (Joel to Maggie, about Mike) Proust, you Francophiles will remember, spent the last 15 years of his life in a bedroom on Housman Boulevard in Paris, France. Now, a lot of people at the time thought that Marcel was off his nut, and while these may be little accounting for the behavior of a bed-ridden Frenchman. Consider that this celebrated artiste was a known asmatic who demonstrated extreme sensitivity to even the slightest change in environmental conditions. Could it be that Mike & Marcel are hyperalergic cousins under the skin? Food to boil on. (Chris on the air) The only reason people hang out in tackle shops is to talk fishing. Matthew doesn't talk fishing. I don't think he's ever been fishing. (Holling to Ruth-Anne, on Matthew's tackle shop) Maurice let Mike wear his spacesuit. Well, of course, Maurice can't fit into it anymore. Too many mooseburgers. (Ed to Joel)

4.06 On Your Own Storylines ---------- The Flying Man returns. Ed finds inspiration in Fellini's ring. Maurice changes his will. Quotes ------ That's Kim Chee. That's Korean cabbage. Smells like an old pair of gym shoes. (Maurice, on a gift from his son) What exactly is Flo? Plumbing fixture? Slinky? (Joel, on a circus member) I hate giving my stuff away, even if I am worm bait. And, I hate being reminded of that eventuality. (Maurice to Maggie, on the will) We all come from the place we're from and, well, we really can't be from anywhere else and that's where I'm from. (Ed accepts his lifetime achievement award) Wouldn't it be somewhat of an occupational hazard to be up there in the stratosphere knowing you have a crack in your landing gear? (Joel to the Flying man, on his broken leg) I take my protein on the hoof! (Maurice's reaction to ground kelp) You don't cook. Well, no, I don't cook, cook. But I bake. I bake all the time, Maurice. Muffins, mainly. Bran muffins, corn muffins, all kinds of muffins. (Maurice to Maggie, on her cooking) You always think a fish is a fish. You never stop to think about whose mouth it's been in. Or whose hand it's been in. (Ed, on finding the ring) Ed, are you hallucinating? Oh, yeah, but not right now. (Joel to Ed) I don't know what's gotten into that girl. All of a sudden she's a vegetarian. Wearing a dress. Spouting off about cow flatulence. (Maurice, about Maggie) Well, she did make fudge one time. Yeah, that's true. (Ruth-Anne and Maurice, on Maggie's cooking) You don't drink, Ed. Are you sure? Grape juice then. (Shelly to Ed, influenced by the ring) Words are a heavy thing ... they weigh you down. If birds talked, they couldn't fly. (Marilyn to the Flying Man) I, for one, will never look at a mailing tube or a roll of T.P. in the same inanimate light. Isn't that the point of this merry go round? Throw out all those stale assumptions, keep shopping for a fresh-baked perspective. Such is love that comes and goes. Joy and sadness. It's always that way. (Chris on the air)

4.07 The Bad Seed Storylines ---------- Marilyn buys a house. Holling's daughter visits. Ed parents a crane. Music ----- 1. Lay Your Love, Brain Eno (Chris and Ed dance with the crane) Quotes ------ Shell, cranes carry this heavy mystical baggage. They're icons of fidelity and happiness. The Vietnamese believe cranes cart our souls up to heaven on our wings. (Chris to Shelly) I orbited the globe! All you had to do was go to the copying machine, and what did you do? Fail? Utterly. (Maurice chides Ed) The old frying pan was better. It was aluminum. Aluminum gives you Alzheimer's. Maybe. But the bottom was copper. Copper turns green. (Marilyn and her mother argue over supper) Maurice, do you notice anything amiss about my daughter? Well, she cusses like a sailor. Not a very flattering feminine trait as far as I'm concerned. (Holling and Maurice, on Jackie) Our avian brothers are back to roost on the first leg of their annual sojourn south. Why them and not us? Maybe it's because we humans are meant to be rooted in one spot. (Chris, on cranes) Did you try the crane dance?...You got to get your bird up and dance with her. You got to flip the switch on her hormonal motor. Chris, I never heard of that. (Chris to Ed, on encouraging Princess) First thing we'll need is a sample. Come again? No, once will be sufficient. (Joel to Holling, collecting a sperm sample) These are my sperm? That is the marshaling of your genetic forces awaiting the call to battle. They look all bent and broken. They look like Robert E. Lee's troops after the battle of Gettysburg! (Holling and Joel look through the microscope) How do we dance? With abandon. (Ed and Chris do the crane dance)

4.08 Thanksgiving Storylines ---------- Joel gets a 5th year of service. Thanksgiving approaches. Quotes ------ I'm to believe that this tomato was simply Ed's way of saying Seasons' Greetings? (Joel to Marilyn, after being hit by a tomato) Tomatoes look like blood, but they don't hurt. (Marilyn explains the tomatoes to Joel) I may look white, but I am not. I am Jewish. Okay? Jewish. A fellow person of color. A victim of oppression. (Joel makes his excuse) If winter is slumber and spring is birth, and summer is life, then autumn rounds out to be reflection. It's a time of year when the leaves are down and the harvest is in and the perennials are gone. Mother Earth just closed up the drapes on another year and it's time to reflect on what's come before. (Chris on the air) This whole Thanksgiving thing has put a squeeze on my psyche. (Chris, uncomfortable over something) I can understand that you might harbor a small amount of hostility towards white people. Smallpox, Trail of Tears, I saw Dances with Wolves but do you really think that hurling tomatoes is an acceptable way to express that hostility? Could be worse. Baseball bats. Bicycle chains. Tire irons. (Joel to Dave the cook) Am I the only one in Cicely who finds this barbaric behavior unsettling? Probably. (Joel and Ruth-Anne, on the tomatoes) I really adore this time of year--the skeletons and tomatoes and the death-head pumpkins. (Ruth-Anne) It's open season on Joel Fleischman!!! (Joel taunts some tomato-holding Indians) Let's give it one more try, shall we. I'll write the prescriptions, and you'll take the medicine. That simple enough? Something that pea-sized brain of yours can handle? (A frustrated Joel to his patient) I'm supposed to push the rock up the hill? Why me? Why do I have to do it? You're my replacement. If you think this is bad, check out Prometheus! How'd you like some vulture ripping out your liver everyday? Or worse yet, they could send you to Alaska. Think about that, Fleischman! (Joel and Sisyphus) Death, like the white man, wasn't happy in his own land. He didn't think his kingdom was big enough. He wanted more. One night, when the good spirit was asleep, Death attacked the world. He killed a lot of people, and he took the Chief's prettiest daughter as his bride. She pretended to be a good wife, but one day she secretly fed him a pumpkin seed. The pumpkin grew and grew inside death. Finally, he exploded, and a million pumpkin seeds covered the earth. I still don't get it. A lot of people died, but a good thing came out of it, too. What was that? Pumpkins. It's the same with white people. They cleared the forest, they dug up the land, and they gave us the flu. But they also brought power tools and penicillin and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. (Marilyn explains the celebration of Death) I got a message today via some tin cans and, dig this, there wasn't even any string hooking them up. (Chris reacts to some cans of beans) The mellow sweetness of pumpkin pie off a prison spoon is something you will never forget. (Chris remembers prison) You can march with us. Really? I thought it was an Indians only kind of deal. You're not white anymore. (Marilyn to Joel) Where would you go? Greenland. Seemed like a more hospitable climate than Antarctica. (Maggie to Mike)

4.09 Do the Right Thing Storylines ---------- A health inspector comes to the Brick. Maggie tries be nice to everyone. Maurice buys his dossier from an ex-KGB spy. Quotes ------ This is Chris-in-the-Morning with the weather and time--24 hours later than it was yesterday and cold. (Chris) What could you possibly have that would want to buy? History, Mr. Minnifield. Your dossier. (Maurice and Victor) Oh, Fleischman, you always miss the point. Let me repeat it again. It would have been me. I would have been dead. Dead. Me. Dead. Do you ever think about dead? I'm a doctor, O'Connell, of course I think about death. Not death! Dead. Gone. Nothing. That spark of human consciousness just snuffed out. No more you, no more anything. Dead. Yeah, I do, I do think about it sometimes. I bet. What's that supposed to mean? Look at you Fleischman! You press your pants, you wear a tie, I bet you even floss regularly, right? So what? That's not the way somebody acts, Fleischman, who spends any amount of time thinking about dead! (Maggie and Joel, after hearing of a pilot's death) We were always a little suspicious of people that chose to live in the Soviet Union. (Victor to Shelly & Marilyn) Normally, in a situation like this, I would get really mad at you for being so inept and lazy that you couldn't even fix a simple washer, but I'm not going to do that anymore. You know why? Because anger is a negative destructive feeling, and life is too short for negative destructive feelings. Spare me. I know what you're going to say. You always take refuge in cheap cynicism. But I really mean this. I am going to concentrate on what's important in life. I'm going to strive everyday to be a kind and generous and loving person. I'm going to keep death right here, so that anytime I even think about getting angry at you or anybody else, I'll see death and I'll remember. (Maggie to Joel) Listen, I want you to stop and think about something. I'm going to die someday, OK? I'm going to die. It's just really made me stop and think, we're all going to die! So we should do good things you, positive, healing things. (Maggie to Chris, admitting she stole an album) I will NOT have the American people believing that I sang to some chippie in a Florida motel room! It's ancient history, Maurice. Water over the dam. You go on home, finish your memoirs. (Maurice to the ex-KGB agent) Do you see what it means for a Jew to have his own country? After 2000 years of wandering you can finally go home. You can always go to Israel. What? Well, you can't go anywhere Dr. Fleischman. You're stuck here. (Joel and Ed, on the Fleischman relative in Israel) Holling, being judged is standing up in stiletto heels on a hot stage with only inches of spandex between you and your birthday suit. And these horny businessmen and their dried up old soc types with their scorecards are just eye-balling you, just dying to find things wrong. And when they do, it's not something lame like a stove-top or a leaky faucet. Uh uh. It's your nips, or your butt, or your ankles. (Shelly, to Holling) People are simply incapable of prolonged, sustained goodness. (Joel, to Maggie) So by trying to be good, I'm making myself ill? Every good deed, every kind gesture, every generous impulse, you are putting another nail in your coffin. (Maggie and Joel)

4.10 Crime and Punishment Storylines ---------- Chris is arrested for breaking parole. Quotes ------ I'm guilty. Guilty of what? That's an interesting question. I'm referring to the statutory angle. (Chris to Bernard, on his arrest for parole violation) Back in my competitive days, Dr. Fleischman, you could drop a baton or mess up your statement of personal goals, none of the men would blink, as long as you smiled and displayed a well rounded personality. But the women; try to wear a lip gloss they'd never seen before or dare to squeeze your well toned buns into a size 4 swimsuit they couldn't wear on a bet, they'd mark you down all over the place. It was brutal. Well, Shelly, I hate to minimize your experience, but I hardly think that a beauty contest and a court of law are analogous. Well maybe not. But they're definitely the same. (Shelly and Joel, on men & women as judges) If I haven't convinced you by the time the prints arrive, I'll abide by your judgment. Mr. Monroe, you'll abide by my judgment in any case. (Mike to the judge) The law is not so much carved in stone as it is written in water, flowing in and out with the tide. (Bernard on the air) What about the frogs? What about them? Well, they're still dead. Well, that's true, but if they were good little frogs, they're in froggy heaven. (Ed and Shelly) It turned out that due to a slight oversight on my part, I neglected to pay my income taxes for 33 years. (Holling during the hearing) You've got a way with words, son. You've got the Steven's way with words. And on top of that, you don't sound black. Truth is Bernard, if I close my eyes, you sound as white as Casper. You know something, Maurice, I like you. I do. And it troubles me. Troubles you? Yeah. This may come as a shock, but you're a bigot. A bigot! Yeah, a racist. Wait a minute, because you don't sound black, I'm a bigot and a racist? (Bernard and Maurice) I know black people. I've been around black people, and I know how they talk. The say "thang" instead of "thing." They say "ax," "I ax you this, brother, I ax you that." Now, you don't say "ax." Neither does Colin Powell and that....that Denzel fellow. (Maurice to Bernard) You know what's interesting is the linkage of King's English and superior breeding. And the further linkage of superior breeding with being white. And rather than saying there's a black person speaking in the King's English, we say there's a black person speaking white. (Bernard to Maurice) Although, admittedly, you're a racist and what you said makes me uncomfortable, there is a kernel of truth to it. Though, I suspect it has more to do with intellectual and cultural standards than it does with racial distinctions. Why is it that when I say something like that, I'm a racist, and when you say something like that, you're just being thoughtful. Oh no, Maurice, I'm a racist too. For a long time I didn't like being around white people. But once I realized that imperialism, slavery, and genocide weren't exclusively white institutions, it helped me loosen up a bit. (Bernard and Maurice) I'm not judging people, I'm judging their actions. It's the same type of distinction that I try to apply to myself, to judge, but not be judgmental. (Judge Percy to Ruth-Anne) I may have to put you on the stand. Do you have any idea what's going to come out of your mouth from one minute to the next. Usually I just let it happen. That's what I was afraid of. (Mike and Chris, on taking the stand) Well, Mother came to tell me that her and Dad were getting divorced, and then my house burned down, and there was my mother, babbling away, me completely miserable... And then Chris came around. He was looking for something to fling. He'd built this catapult. He was going to fling a cow, and then he decided that well, since it'd already been done, he would actually like to fling something else, and he chose my piano. It was incredible. I mean, you couldn't believe the G forces that could develop on this thing. I mean, it could make the human body implode before impact. My piano went supersonic! and for this brief moment, this instrument that I had sat at and sang to and wept over just slipped the bonds of gravity and soared to this unimaginable crescendo, as if it would never come down. And then... BOOM! I mean, it was so moving! I don't know how to describe it, really, but I forgot all about my house, and my mother, and it was Chris who turned all that around. (Maggie testifies at the hearing) Mike and I, we've been over what I'm supposed to say and I've got to tell you, it's pretty persuasive stuff, but is it the whole truth? It's a slice of truth, a morsel, a fraction. It's a piece of the pie, certainly not the whole enchilada, and now that I've been thinking about it, I don't think I could tell the whole truth about anything. That's a pretty heavy burden, because we all just view the world through this little piece of coke bottle. Is there such a thing as objective truth? I wonder. (Chris refuses to swear to the truth) We should not pretend to understand the world only by intellect. We apprehend it just as much by feeling. Therefore the judgment of the intellect is at best only the half of truth and must, if it be honest, come to an understanding of its own inadequacy. (Chris quotes Karl Jung for his closing statement) I was wondering if Chris is really two people, the old Chris and the new Chris, why couldn't the old Chris go to West Virginia and the new Chris stay here? Interesting point metaphysically, Debbie. Well Debbie, I think on the corporal plane that the state of West Virginia has first dibs. Shall we discuss the philosophical question raised here, Chris? The state of sin vs. the state of grace? Uh huh. Does redemption actually remake a man or simply return him to some sort of core being? Precisely. Is the reformed center truly a different person then he was? Well speaking from Western tradition, Bernard, I'd say no. Pray tell why, my brother? Well, I think most born again Fundamentalists would disagree and most Judeo-Christian theologians would to argue that the reformed center simply discovered a divine spark that had always laid within anyway. That answer your question Debbie? Uh.....I guess. (Debbie calls Chris and Bernard on the air) After careful review, it is my opinion that the defendant, by virtue of what I can only call his "Chris-ness," has a vital impact upon the life of Cicely, and to summarily remove him would place undue hardship on the town exceeding the caliber of his own offense. (Judge Percy) Whatever happened in there, I want you guys to know I really appreciate what you said about me. It's kind of like being at my own funeral. I dug it. (Chris to Joel, Ed, Bernard, on the trial) Who is Chris Stevens? Who are any of us? Are we one person fixed at birth? Do we grow like a snowball coming down the mountainside of life? Or can we change, shed our skin. A caterpillar becomes the butterfly, leaving the remains of his former self behind. I look at my yearbook photo, Wheeling Central Catholic High School, class of '81, and I wonder who that stranger is. Damned if I know. Maybe that's the point maybe we're not supposed to know. Maybe that's what this earthly joy ride's all about. Like Robert Frost said, We dance round in a ring and suppose, But the Secret sits in the middle and knows. (Chris, musing on life)

4.11 Survival of the Species Storylines ---------- Maggie find Indian artifacts in her front yard. A 12 year old kid falls in love with Shelly. Ed is worried about the environment. Music ----- Loreena McKennitt: Tango to Evora (The Visit) (The women re-bury the artifacts) Quotes ------ Holling, what happened to your hair? Oh, a little reaction to that toxic inversion layer we had last month. (Ed to Holling) Like a schmuck, I listened to the ozone report. I went out without my SPF360 sunblock. (Joel in Ed's futuristic nightmare) Let me paint a picture of what's going to happen to those pink little lungs of your if you keep up this smoking act. Like, I'm trembling. You got a lot of attitude for a guy who isn't tall enough to get on half the rides at Disneyland. (Joel to Brad) You know Maggie, fairies are the perfect people to do this kind of work. Biologically, their upperbody is strong enough to wield a pick-axe. But, temperamentally, they're...ah...precise and meticulous. (Maurice to Maggie about Ron and Eric) Shelly's the kind of girl that can turn your world upside down. I was a man of the wilderness, a hunter, a trapper, a killer. Now look at me. Tied to a bar by my apron strings and loving every minute of it. (Holling to Brad) Sometimes love will pick you up by the short hairs, Brad, and jerk the heck out of you. (Holling to Brad) Here I discover a bunch of women's things in my own front yard and as we speak it is being overrun by a bunch of men. Why do men always have to run things? They can't help themselves. You know what it is? It's their penis. That's it. They think with it, they talk with it, they just can't get past it. (Maggie and Marilyn) Hey! Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I'm not going to be collectively vibed out of my own office. Understand? Uh-uh. Uh-uh. You have 5 minutes. (Joel to Maggie, Ruth Anne, and Marilyn) Hey babe! Hullo. Who are you? What's it look like? I'm the subconscious manifestation of your primal male fantasy fixations. What's in the basket? (The Big Bad Wolf and Maggie) Forget Granny. Granny's history. I had her for breakfast. What? She was just the embodiment of your obsessive unfulfilled need for the critical parent, anyway. (Wolf to Maggie) Tell me something, Kid. Why the red hood? Why not green or chartreuse? Well, Granny, says it complements my complexion. Try raw. Try violent. Try sex, kid. It's just a hood! (The Big Bad Wolf and Maggie) And if you call me "little lady" one more time, I'm going to punch you in the nose! (An empowered Maggie to Maurice) This is empowered. Do you know what empowered it? Well empowered is Anne Boleyn, laughing on the way to the chopping block, apologizing to the executioner for her small neck. That's empowered! Do you think a man would've done that? No. A man wouldn't have had the guts. He would have peed in his pants. He would have begged for mercy, but Anne didn't even break a sweat. Do you know why? Because she was empowered! (Maggie kicks Maurice out of her yard) Being a delinquent is like being an artist or being an athlete. You gotta train at it. You gotta work every day or else you lose your chops. You don't want to be in love, man. Love slows you down, man. Next thing you know, you're not the fastest gun in the West anymore, you got young punks coming up, trying to step on your turf. You think you still got it, you want to show these young punks who's top punk, next thing you know, you take a job you're not ready for and you're doing 2 to 5 in the joint and your old lady's making indentations in the back of somebody else's Trans Am. So, which one do I choose? Love or crime? Well, you got to weigh it out for yourself. Look at the pluses and minuses. Crime. The pluses. It's tax free, it's a kick in the pants, make your own hours, you meet new and interesting people. On the minus side, no medical plan, no job security, early burn out. Most crooks I know are like NFL linemen at 30. They're either crippled, retired, or dead. What about love? You've seen the minuses. You turn into a total dork. What about the pluses? It's irrelevant. Love is. Period. Ah penny, brown penny, brown penny. I am looped in the loops of her hair. Yeates. (Chris to Brad, quoting "Brown Penny" by William Yeats) I've wrecked three pairs of underwear just dreamin' about you. No kiddin'? It's been a long time since someone's said that to me. (Brad and Shelly) Hey killer, I got you this for the ride. "Tales of Kipling?" I didn't think you were ready for "Leaves of Grass." (Chris gives a book to Brad) I really dig seeing these dudes over there with nothing to do except watch us and get horny. (Shelly to the girls) They seem to be having a good time. A good time? How in the hell can you tell? I mean, nobody's fighting Nobody's throwing anything. Nobody's yelling. With men, you can tell when they're having a good time. (The guys and Maurice watch the women bury the artifacts) In laying our sister's things to rest, I though it would be fitting to quote something from one of her contemporaries, Mary Wollstonecraft, who wrote these words in 1792. "My own sex, I hope, will excuse me if I treat them like rational creatures instead of viewing them as if they were in a state of perpetual childhood, dismissing these pretty feminine phrases which men condescendingly use to soften our slavish dependence, and despising that sweet docility of manners, supposed to be the sexual characteristics of the weaker vessel. I wish to show that the first object of laudible ambition is to obtain a character as a human being, regardless of the distinction of sex." (Maggie and the women bury the artifacts) Well, as my old trapping buddy Bob Pickering used to say, "When a woman gets a wild hair about something, you best just get out of the road." (Holling to the guys) I wouldn't mind so much if it made the slightest bit of sense. But this is just stupid. You can't look for logic, Maurice. With women, it seems that rabid emotion is the justification for everything. "A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition." G. K. Chesterson (Maurice, Joel and Chris)

4.12 Revelations Ruth-Anne buys the store. Joel is patientless. Chris visits a monastery. Quotes ------ Say, can I get a hair shirt? Oh, I'm afraid we don't wear those anymore. No hair shirts? Mortification of the flesh has its place; no doubt about it. But, uh, our feeling is that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. (Chris and Brother Timothy) And it was this last item, chastity, which really gave him some grief. It seems he couldn't get a certain hometown girl out of his mind. And on one occasion when the desire for her was so overwhelming, he eschewed the traditional cold shower. Instead, he took off his clothes and threw himself naked in a briar patch, rolled around in the thorns until his flesh was rent and bleeding. Now, that's commitment. (Bernard on St. Benedict) Ever since I read St. Augustine in the joint, I've been in this religious, philosophical thing. So, for me to meet a guy who's actually "dead to the world", I mean, wow, I can't begin to tell you...The vow of silence, that's the mind-blower. See, talking is what I do. I'm a DJ, but more than that, it's a real need with me, a craving, I'm like a word junkie. I never shut up. I talk to myself, I talk in my sleep. The idea of voluntarily turning off that tap, I can't imagine it! It'd be like, I don't know, all the rivers in the world just slammed to a stop. No churning, no flowing, no white water, just stillness, crushing stillness. I don't think I could stand it, locked up like that in my own psyche. I'd collapse into myself, I'd implode! (Chris to Brother Simon) This is really incredible talking to you. It's like praying. I'd give anything for some kind of signal, some indication I'm getting through... (Chris to the silent monk) I just thought the food would be simpler. You know, like gruel. Gruel? You know, part of the denial of the flesh, self-deprivation kind of thing. Terrible food, lots of fasting. Chris, you've got some wild ideas about monastic life. I don't know about self-deprivation, but we like to eat well. (Chris and Brother Timothy) What else do you think about? Colors. Colors? Blue mostly. Blue. And beige. Marilyn, is this conversation as absurd to you as it is to me? You started it. (Joel and Marilyn) Okay, the thing is, I've been having erotic fantasies about one of the monks here...I love women. Ever since I can remember, I've been totally aroused, since I was a toddler, by women. The small of the back, the curve of a neck, the gentle swell of a breast, that sweet softness that just makes you want to dive in and bury yourself in it. I've always felt sexually secure, more than that, committed. But has it all been a lie? Is this my true self? The self I came here to discover, this self that sits here, physically and emotionally consumed by Brother Simon? (Chris) You're hitting the bovine juice pretty hard, Ed. It's helping me think. (Shelly serves Ed some milk) I promised Maurice I'd do an afternoon commuter show. (Bernard declines Joel's offer of a game) I am capable of quietude. Marilyn! I am capable of solitary reflection. Wanna bet? A bet? You mean, like a wager? Five dollars. How long? Five minutes. Five minutes? I'll give you six. (Joel and Marilyn) Brother Simon, what's your given name? Chris. (Chris and Brother Simon) Hey folks, I've just come back from a short cruise on the river of spiritual renewal. You might be wondering, were my goals met? Did I have that transcendent moment, the epiphany? You bet I did. You know, we men are always booking out. We join armies, baseball teams, frat houses--in my case, a monastery--all to the exclusion of our fair sisters. But let me tell you, in that segregated, celibate world of men, a divine hand reached down, grabbed me by the belt strap and gave a hard yank. To whom did this awesome hand belong? Woman. Yes, Cicely, my metaphysical moment, my revelation, was this: for me, there can be no spirituality, no sanctity, no truth without the female sex. O woman! lovely woman! Nature made thee To temper man: we had been brutes without you. Angels are painted fair, to look like you: There's in you all that we believe of heaven,-- Amazing brightness, purity, and truth, Eternal joy, and everlasting love. (Chris reads Thomas Otway: Venice Preserved. Act i. Sc. 1.)

4.13 Duets Storylines ---------- A piano tuner comes to the Brick. Ed meets his father. Maggie and Mike monitor toxins on an iceberg. Music ----- 1. Chopin: Nocturne in B-flat minor, Opus 9, No. 1 (Piano tuner, right before Holling calls him an SOB) Quotes ------ I had a dog once. Then business got slow and I ate him. Man's best friend tastes surprisingly like chicken. (Arlon, the blind piano tuner, to Holling) I'll bet even as we speak there is some miscreant in Yokohama illegally firing up his hibachi! (Joel rags Maggie about Mike's nose) Luke's father turned out to be alive, too. And they got in this terrible fight. And he cut off Luke's hand! And well, it's the kind of thing to make a person nervous. (Ed to One Who Waits, on meeting his father) Good food ends with good talk. (One Who Waits tells Ed how to talk about Ed's father) Are you saying I'm trying to cheat... A perceptually impaired individual? Someone who is visually challenged? Who knows? You may even be trying to rob me blind. (Holling and Arlon) Pete...I think you should know that I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm... You're what, Ed? Uh, kind of thirsty. (Ed trying to tell Pete his identity) Well. There are those who believe that time is a wheel turning forever. Which would mean that your moment will surely come. Then, there are those who believe that time is a river. Which, if that's true, it's possible that your moment has already flowed by. Which one do you think it is? Ah. I think that time is just time. (Ed and One Who Waits) There is no cause and effect here. Yes there is. I'm the cause and death is the effect. (Mike and Maggie) I'm five for five. I'm a scientific phenomenon. (Maggie to Mike about her "curse") I've been thinking about that old Zen conundrum: what's the sound of one hand clapping? My personal opinion--nothing. You don't have two hands, you don't have any clapping. It's as simple as that. Stars, galaxies, clapping hands, what's the point? The point is that we all need somebody, whether you're a supercluster or a little proton, a yin or a yang. Everybody is hooked into everybody else. Like Romeo & Juliette or Fish & Chips, Ben & Jerry, Gilbert & Sullivan, Mutt and Jeff, Lunt and Fontanne, Bert & Ernie, Wilbur & Orville, Bubble & squeak, Ian & Sylvia, Bogie & Bacall, Anthony & Cleopatra... (Chris on the air)

4.14 Grosse Pointe 48230 Storylines ---------- Maggie and Joel visit her parents. Quotes ------ There is nothing you or anybody else could say to make me want to spend a weekend in Detroit. Are you sure about that Fleischman? What are those? Tickets. To what? Pistons. Those are Pistons tickets? Detroit Pistons tickets? Um huh. Nah. Nice try, though. Let's see. What does this say here? The Detroit Pistons versus the New York Knickerbockers. The Knicks. You got Knicks-Pistons tickets? Floor seats. Center court. Let me see these. Let me see 'em! Where'd you get these? You can't get these. Floor seats. Knicks-Pistons. Center court. The boat leaves Saturday morning. Don't forget your toothbrush. (Joel and Maggie) Don't flatter yourself. Your family is no crazier than any other American nuclear unit. Believe me. Oh yeah? What would you say to a father who at 58 years old quits his job and buys a Buffalo ranch in South Dakota? I'd say I would not be surprised if he had a daughter who was a bush pilot in the wilds of Alaska. (Joel and Maggie) So tell us Joel, how did you and Mary Margaret meet? Well, in a town of 849 people, I couldn't not meet her. Isn't that interesting! (Joel is examined by family members) Well, one thing's for sure. We won't run out of mayonnaise. What don't you guys put this on? The way you spread it around, you would think it was mortar. (Joel to the Rev.) Say Joel, do you mind if I ask you a...personal question? $465 a month after taxes, no, I'm not married, and I haven't had sex in two years. You said personal. Oh...I had a different sort of question in mind. (Rev. Harding and Joel) For me, Reverend, the fact that when we die we are nothing more than worm meat---I just don't think about it. (Joel explains life to the Reverend) I'm 80 years old, of course my cartiledge is wearing out. My important organs just keep chugging along. It's embarrassing. (Grammy to Maggie) What do I do? I take classes. Cooking, photography, folk dancing. It would be really funny if it wasn't so pathetic. (Steffi to Reverend) So is Maggie still into those moonlight skinny-dips? You and Maggie skinny dipped, huh? Well, I don't want to tell tales out of school or anything. Can't be much to tell. Why's that? Because all the guys that got lucky are sprouting daisies about now. (Jed tries to psych out Joel during the basketball game) Is there anybody you would like me to notify? Just move my Lexus off the street. (The Reverend with Jed as he's wheeled to the ambulance) Why did you want to see me Mrs. Stowe? Oh, I've never met a Jewish person before. (Joel sees Grammy) You're right. You've got yourself a regular loony bin here. It's absolutely incredible that you survived. I guess you're made of something. (Joel to Maggie)

4.15 Learning Curve Storylines ---------- Holling wants to graduate from high school. Marilyn takes a trip to Seattle. Music ----- 1. Georgia Wettlin-Larsen: Ojibway Square Dance (Songs of the People) (Marilyn tours Seattle) 2. The Coasters: Searchin' (Joel looks for Marilyn in Seattle) Quotes ------ I'm going to Seattle. The gateway to Alaska. I want an adventure. (Marilyn tells Joel she is going on vacation) You did get traveler's checks, didn't you? No. Look, muggers. OK? They smell cash on people. They do! They sniff it out and they lock on. Alright? With traveler's checks you can get your funds replaced. I want an adventure. (Joel advises Marilyn on travel) City dwellers. They exist on a very rudimentary and primal level. Just promise me you'll do what I told you. I WANT an adventure. (Joel to Marilyn) Did you meet that new teacher? Jane. No. Not that she's your type. She flew support in Desert Storm. Besides, she's smart and beautiful and just the kind of woman that would intimidate you. (Maggie to Joel) What's wrong with you Fleischman? You seem bitter and surly today. What happened? You lose a golf ball? (Maggie to Joel) Just because she wasn't raised in the concrete jungle of New York doesn't mean she can't survive a weekend away from home. (Maggie to Joel, on Marilyn's "disappearance") Wow. This is really chilling. What? You. The veil's been lifted; the mask just ripped from your face. For the first time I see your true self and it's... it's cold! I mean, you are so cold...and you are so bleak! (Joel and Maggie) This is endearing Fleischman. Really, this misplaced paternalistic concern. I feel like I'm talking to an ice cube. I can almost believe you're a human being. Almost. Not quite. (Maggie to Joel, on his worry about Marilyn) Did you just say that women shouldn't fly combat? Can you imagine a woman's finger on the trigger of a Tomahawk missile? What's wrong with a woman's finger on the trigger of a Tomahawk missile? Come on! What? We're irrational, emotional, unpredictable, unstable. I mean it's mostly a hormone thing, really. We're either getting our periods or we're having our periods, or we're getting over having our periods. I mean, a woman's got about two weeks a month of relative sanity, and I'd say even that's a stretch for some. What? You're joking. Really, that's the least of it. Women just don't have that blood lust warrior instinct thing, you know? It's not in their nature. They're soft and mushy. You just can't trust them to go for the kill. (Jane to Maggie) Jeez...those look totally dorky on those geeks in chess club. But a hunk like you can pull that look off, no sweat! (Shelly to Holling about his pocket protector) I told you, I'm not worried. What I am is irritated. How am I supposed to treat patients if I'm busy answering the phone and covering the front desk? Well, there's noone here Dr. Fleischman. That's got nothing to do with it. Marilyn was grossly irresponsible for leaving and she doesn't even have the decency to call me and tell me that she's OK. She goes on vacation to a strange city. Grabs the wrong bag and before she knows it, she's kidnapped by ruthless arms dealers who would as soon slit her throat as let her go. _Frantic_. Roman Polanski, 1988. I'll see you, Dr. Fleischman. (Joel and Ed discuss Marilyn's absence) I'm always ready to get behind a man with a sense of duty and a direction to take it in. You're going to make me work this off? You and the state--you've squeezed a 5th year out of me and now you want more? This is extortion, it's usury! (Maurice lends money to Joel) That was very VIVID, Holling. Thank you. (Jane in response to Holling's essay) They are my ideas. And if you don't like them, that's just too bad. And I'm not going to let you or any other SISTER dictate how I think or how I feel. Oh yeah, and another thing, SISTER... I already have a sister. And you're not her. (Jane to Maggie) Marilyn is not the type of woman to go traipsing off with some airport lizard. (Joel to police detective) She's simple. Developmentally delayed? (Joel and a police detective discuss Marilyn) I can't file a formal report for another 24 hours. 24 hours? Do you realize what could happen to a person in 24 hours? I'm sorry, but those are the rules. Isn't there anything I can do? As a private citizen you have every right to contact the coroner's office. (Police detective to Joel) I got to tell you, Shelly, I haven't felt like this since I went bow hunting in the Territories and brought down that barren ground caribou with a single arrow. (Holling receives his diploma) I can't believe I found you! I bet you're surprised to see me. Not really. (Joel finds Marilyn in the concrete jungle of Seattle) How do you feel about Ibsen? Depressing. Yeah. I guess he is. (Joel and Marilyn)

4.16 Ill Wind End Credits: Excerpt of "Los Angeles Notebook" from "Slouching Towards Bethlehem" by Joan Didion, (c) 1967. "In Los Angeles some teachers do not attempt to conduct classes during a Santa Ana, because the children become unmanageable. In Switzerland the suicide rate goes up during the foehn, and in the courts of some Swiss cantons the wind is considered a mitigating circumstance for crime. Surgeons are said to watch the wind, because blood does not clot normally during a foehn." (Chris reads from "Slouching Towards Bethlehem", by Joan Didion) Storylines ---------- Maggie and Joel "do it." Chris saves Maurice's life. Ed ponders suicide methods. A shepherd comes to town. Music ----- 1. Vinx: There I Go Again (Closing scene, Maggie and Joel walking down the street) Quotes ------ "There was a desert wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot, dry, Santa Anas that come down through the mountain passes and curl your hair and make your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that, every booze party ends in a fight. Meek, little wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks. Anything can happen." (Chris reads from Raymond Chandler) I came here to play an intelligent game, not to be victimized by some power freak with penis envy. I ought to just punch you in the nose. You and which army? You think I'm bluffing? Go ahead, O'Connell. Right there. (Pow) (Joel to Maggie, playing Risk) They say it's an ill wind that bloweth no man to good. I think our own Dr. Joel Fleischman will attest to that. For those of you who missed it, Maggie scored a one round decision over Dr. Fleischman last night. Right jab to the old honker. Pow! T.K.O. What better sign that the coho winds are once again upon us...My advice this year, don't fight them, embrace them. Know your enemy. (Chris) Look, Marilyn. This is a superstition. The wind cannot be good or bad. It blows hot, it blows cold. It has no moral or ethical component. (Joel wants Marilyn to work during the cohos) It's an ancient concept. Confucius once used that very word to summarize his entire philosophy, and Muslims cherish the idea of mutual obligation. By their standards, if someone saves your life, you owe that person until you save his. But that notion is hardly universal. Certain native American cultures, for example, believe that saving a life, that good deeds in general, are a person's natural function and thus require no special reward. (Chris to Maurice, on saving life) Hey, Holling, do you ever think of jumping off the Green River bridge? No. It'd be quite a fall though. How far do you think it is? About a thousand feet. A thousand feet. That's a lot of time. Wind roaring in your ears just ripping at your clothes. The pull of gravity dragging you down ... down ... down ... time for one last look. PFFF! (Ed ponders jumping off a bridge) You know, Fleischman, last night when I hit you, I felt something I haven't felt in a long time. I felt good, I felt empowered. When my fist hit your face, I felt like, for at that brief moment I knew who I was. (Maggie to Joel) Let's get this over with once and for all. Come on. Damage this Fleischman! (Maggie points to her nose). O'Connel, you're making a fool of yourself. Come on Fleischman, give it your best shot. Hit her Doc. Chance of a lifetime Fleischman. This is a one-time offer. O'Connel, believe me, nothing would give me more pleasure than wiping that smirk off your perfectly arranged face, but, ultimately, I'd rather own your plane and your truck and your house and all other attachments. (Maggie, Joel, and a bystander) I read once about this guy ... got executed in the gas chamber. Took him a full ten minutes to die. Hmm. I ate some bad salmon once. What was that like? I puked a lot. (Ed and Dave) Do you honestly think it was my fate to be saved from a meaningless death by some itinerant, ex-con DJ. An employee! Damn this wind. (Maurice to Holling, on Chris) Maybe I'll burn your house down, Fleischman. You know, it runs in the family. (Maggie to Joel) But in fact, I was wrong, and you are exactly what I thought you were. You are spoiled and you are frigid. That's right! (POW) Ah! Aggh! Ah! You broke my broken nose! (Joel to Maggie) What is it? The wind that suddenly makes everyone think they can threaten the town doctor with impunity? (Joel to Maurice) I believe, leaving out extraneous items, such as gold fillings, the shopping bag price of the adult human body separated into discrete components was something like $14.73. That's it, huh? Well, that was a long time ago, Maurice, you've got to allow for inflation. So it would be somewhere around 15 bucks. More or less. Huh. I always knew life was cheap. No, we're not talking life. We're talking inanimate building materials. You can't put a dollar value on life. (Joel and Maurice) Look. I understand what you're trying to do. I even think it's interesting in a primitive domino theory of the soul kind of way...You're trying to recapture the illusion that you're in control and you're not. Nobody is. We're dust. We're atoms. you and I are bound together in ways that we can never comprehend. What happened on that roof is an extreme example, but we depend on each other every day for our mutual survival. I can't take money for that. (Chris to Maurice, on monetary thanks) Cows are smart. Pigs are smart. Anything is smart compared to a sheep. Don't get me started. So, why are you a shepherd, Enrique? We're Basques! (Enrique the Basque, and Ruth) My advice to you is cash it. This morning. Now. Before he comes to his senses. (Joel to Chris, on the $30,000 thank you) I'm willing to drop that lawsuit if you're willing to drop the eviction. Weak case, huh Fleischman? Not at all. Quite the contrary. If this were New York, you wouldn't have a prayer. But, this ain't New York. It's not even the 20th century. (Joel and Maggie) Suicide's not the Indian way. It's not? Don't go where you're not invited. Know what I mean? (Ed and Shelly) Well, O'Connell, as it was explained to me at $110 an hour by Tom Hoverman, my esteemed lawyer, by the time I actually got a judge to actually issue an injunction against you, we might all be dead. And, in terms of my civil suit, let's just say, it would triple my current debt load by the time I had my first legal conference in the flesh. (Joel tries to make amends) You get your hands off me, Fleischman, or I'm gonna punch you in the nose again! There's no way you're hitting me again, O'Connell! You get your hands off me! (Maggie and Joel take a roll in the hay) We'll be here to answer questions later. (Maggie after Joel & Maggie's announcement) As far as I'm concerned, we buried the needle. Discovered another planet. You should have seen the claw marks this morning. Beyond, beyond. (Joel and Maggie the morning after) Pull on those thermals, Cicely, it's a crisp -7 degrees out. The cohos are gone, people. Outside temps are back to normal. Inside temp might take a few days to return to psychic stability. Surveying this year's coho danger--except for Dr. Joel's busted beak, I think we suffered the usual number of metaphysical bumps and bruises. Got some news from the home front here. Ed Chigliak dropped a not for me to read to everyone. "Hey everyone, I feel fine, really. It was just, seeing Maurice almost go splat got me thinking about death. Not in a bad way, just in a way, like when Greta Garbo threw herself under the St. Petersburg express in "Anna Karenina." Or, how about Warren Beatty freezing to death in "McCabe and Mrs. Miller," hunched over in the snow, he just stopped. Does anyone else think about these things? Please let me know. Ed." (Chris)

4.17 Love's Labour Mislaid Storylines ---------- Ed gets engaged. Holling and Ruth-Anne hunt titmouse. Maggie forgets the "event" with Joel. Quotes ------ Isn't marriage an awful big step? It is. And it isn't. (Ed to Uncle Onku) She's probably trying to put the whole thing behind her. I beg your pardon? That's what I'd do if I had knowledge of you in the Biblical sense. (Ruth Anne to Joel, about Maggie) Her name is Debbie something. Debbie Something. Is that Indian? Well, it is something, but not THAT Something. (Ed and Shelly, on his engagement) It's way beyond me how a grown man could pee his pants over a chickadee that's common over half the Russian speaking world. Look at yourself, Holling. You used to go out and kill things. Now you're bivouacing with an old woman and a zoom lens. (Maurice to Holling) I deserve some acknowledgment, a tip of the hat as it were. You know, Kilroy WAS there. (Joel to Maggie, on their sex) We didn't have sex! What would you call it? A feeding frenzy? (Maggie in denial and Joel) It's flattering in a twisted psychotic kind of way, but it didn't happen! (Maggie in denial to Joel) Pretending it didn't happen won't make it go away. You can't close your eyes, click your heels, and make it disappear. You're not Dorothy, I'm not Toto, and this is definitely not Kansas. (Joel to Maggie) Women are the enemy. Never forget it. Okay. Biologically, emotionally, their main function in life is to make us crazy. But we have a function too. You see, men were put on this earth to not let women make us crazy. By the way, congratulations on your engagement. (Joel to Ed) I definitely need to see a woman naked before I agree to anything, you know? I mean, there could be all sorts of unsightly epidermal flaws - moles, cysts, the occasional third nipple. (Joel to Ed) Take a good look, though. Girls tend to turn into their mother and we're not talking about a pretty sight here. (Joel to Ed, about his fiance) It must be like eighth grade when I broke my leg skiing. The whole thing was so horrendous and so horrible that my mind just blacked the whole thing out. Well, I'm flattered and touched. (Maggie and Joel) More than once? I stopped counting when my fingers went numb. Oh God! My guess it's some sort of land speed endurance record for a man my age. What else? We made a general announcement at the Brick. You didn't want people talking behind your back. Oh, God. Yep, that pretty much covers it. (Maggie and Joel, admitting the truth) Like what kind of things did you forget? Well. Uh. Maurice almost fell off the roof of the Brick. Al Simmons' barn blew over. I had sex with Fleischman, and a whole herd of sheep went through Cicely. What'd you just say? A whole herd of sheep went through Cicely. (Mike and Maggie) Ed, this is my boyfriend, Craig. Craig, this is Ed. My fiance. (Debbie Something) Anything else? How about a big gun with a bullet in it? Holling keeps all his big guns locked up. Would a .22 be all right? Just make it a shot of strychnine or a serrated steak knife. Strychnine ... is that one of those imported vodkas? (Shelly serves Maggie at the bar) So, wait a minute, let me get this straight. I'm expendable but he's not. Right. Well. You're saying it's okay to have sex with me, because it's no big deal if I croak, but you don't want to fool around with Mike because you're afraid that he'll kick the bucket? (Joel and Maggie, about Mike and sex)

4.18 Northern Lights Storylines ---------- Chris creates a light sculpture. Joel goes on strike for vacation. A homeless man comes to town. Holling is in hibernation. Music ----- 1. Enya: Ebudae (from "Shepherd Moons") (Chris unveils his light sculpture) Quotes ------ Continuous unremitting darkness has been known to send some people into an emotional tailspin, so the management here at KBHR radio suggests locking away the firearms. The desire to stick that 45 between the teeth can get pretty strong at times, so why invite temptation. (Bernard on the air) I'm painting a field of poppies and I can't quite find the right shade. Want to try the cocktail sauce? (Ruth-Anne to Shelly, with ketchup on her napkin) I'd guess you're homeless. I prefer the term hobo. Hobo. Makes sense. Lot less negative baggage to carry. Implies a life choice instead of a state of being. Hobo. Howling up the open road, riding the rails, shanty towns, nail soup? Very picaresque. (Bernard to Lance) Conceptually, it seemed so right, you know? Metal, twisting, turning, rising out of the corporeal, struggling to the divine....It's JUST a tower, Dave, an archetype, a transcendental symbol from Babel to Watts. It's embedded in our souls....it's just...it's thin, it's brittle, there's no weight. It's like what Gertrude Sten said about Oakland, "There's no 'there' there." (Chris to Dave, lamenting his sculpture) I'd hop in the sack with him right now if I wasn't afraid I was going to kill him....I don't want his blood on my hands. (Maggie to Ruth-Anne, about having sex with Mike) Do you BELIEVE that? When you look at it, do you believe it? No, not really. Of course you don't. What was I thinking? I keep tearing it apart, putting it back together. It just doesn't work. I never had a solstice like this before. Usually I'm focused, the piece, it flows. Last year a Neogothic ice palace, Lake Eagle. Year before that, metal coccoons. I took an entire acre of spruce, I wrapped it in tin foil. But, this thing here is a monstrous screaming zero. I got all this juice, and I got nowhere to plug it in. (Chris to Lance, on his sculpture) No physician willing to take your place. Stop. Community cannot be placed in jeopardy. Stop. Vacation denied. Our apologies. The state of Alaska. (Joel receives a telegram) I will not allow one man to hold this town hostage! Worst comes to worst, I'll see him behind bars. You want to put Joel in jail? Who's talking about Joel? I'm talking about that scrofulous bum who parked himself on Main Street. (Maurice addresses the town meeting) People! Let us not waste each other's time. My vacation as stated in the contract is absolutely and unequivocally non-negotiable. Thank you. (Ed stands in for Joel at the town meeting) I need this Dave. OK by me. (Chris takes a neon beer sign from the Brick) Shelly, let me ask you something. Now, I thought that we were friends. That you liked me. I do! How is that you could be part of this lawsuit? Oh, that! Just being a team player. (Joel tries to understand Shelly) All the others. Maurice, Ruth Anne, Mike. They couldn't wait to stab me in the back. But not you. You are a real mensch. (Joel to Ed, before he finds out Ed changed the lock) After that, I had a hard time keeping my mind on things. Work, girls, Sunday afternoon football games. The world had turned over and I couldn't hold on. (Lance to Maurice, on why he's homeless) It's a different kettle of fish, though. What do you mean? Your situation with Mike. I break in here at 3 am, I risk my life. You hit the rack with Mike, you risk his. (Chris and Maggie) Real meaningful endeavours, the biggies in human existence, often require the sacrifice of others. (Chris tells Maggie to go for it) I'm freezing to death, I've been completely abandoned, and you want to talk about glucose dipsticks?? We're running low. (Joel to Marilyn) See, what I realized is ... a person has three choices in life. You can swim against the tide and get exhausted, or you can tread water and let the tide sweep you away, or you can swim with the tide, and let it take you where it wants you to go. (Joel to Marilyn, returning to work) I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't think you can measure life in terms of years. I think longevity doesn't necessarily have anything to do with happiness. I mean happiness comes from facing challenges and going out on a limb and taking risks. If you're not willing to take a risk for something you really care about, you might as well be dead. (Maggie to Mike) I know it won't be the same as a Carribean vacation, but if you would like to go ice-fishing on Sunday... (Ed offers his sympathy to Joel) Goethe's final words: "More light." Ever since we crawled out of that primordial slime, that's been our unifying cry, "More light." Sunlight. Torchlight. Candlight. Neon, incandescent lights that banish the darkness from our caves to illuminate our roads, the insides of our refrigerators. Big floods for the night games at Soldier's field. Little tiny flashlights for those books we read under the covers when we're supposed to be asleep. Light is more than watts and footcandles. Light is metaphor. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Lead kindly light amid the encircling gloom, lead thou me on, the night is dark and I am far from home, lead thou me on. Arise, shine, for thy light has come. Light is knowledge, light is life, light is light. (Chris unveils his light sculpture. He quotes the following) (Thy word...feet, Psalm 119:105) (Rage...light, Dylan Thomas, Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night) (Lead kindly...home, John Henry Newman, The Pillar of the Cloud) (Arise..come, Isaiah 60:1)

4.19 Family Feud Storylines ---------- Shelly sees dancers. Leonard unveils a totem. Quotes ------ It's a schizoid personality disorder ... it's really nothing more than a fissuration of the mental functions. In lay terms, it would imply that ... I guess that it would imply that you're kind of nuts. (Joel's opinion of why Shelly is seeing dancers) I've never been to a totem raising before. What, exactly, goes on? Is it like a wedding or barmitzvah? Actually, more like a slide show. Family pictures and all, except instead of being in an album, they're on a big stick. (Joel to Ed) What the hell's going on? Bear clan. They can never handle the truth. (Maurice to Marilyn, at the totem unveiling) Maurice, tell Dave that I'll have the same. You get that, Dave? Please inform Marilyn that I'd rather pluck my eyes out than serve her. (Marilyn, Maurice and Dave at the Brick) They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers. (Chris on the air) We gotta talk. I need to be shrunk. (Shelly sees Chris for psychoanalysis) You know my friend Tooley? He had his fair share of both religiously inspired and chemically induced visions. I think he had the healthiest take on it all. He said to me, Chris, as long as they're still on the wall and not crawling up your leg. Let 'em ride! (Chris to Shelly) No, no, no ... we are not just ... JUST ... we are just .... WHATEVER! And whatever that is, it implies a certain chemistry, and intensity, and a passion ... so don't try and stand there and tell me that we are just ... JUST ... 'cause we both know better than that! (Joel to Maggie, on their relationship) We're not talking about historical accuracy, we're talking about art. I've set in motion a geometric inevitability. If I start chiseling there, chipping here,, the whole form is compromised. You're right. I mean, what if Rodin had rolled over and put Balzac in a three-piece suit? The piece would've lost it's overpowering monolithic presence. Yeah and and Seurat you know, you take one dot out of "Picnic in the Park," you lose an eye, a nose, a smile... (Leonard to Chris, why he won't change the totem) I recognize the signs. What signs? Signs of someone seeing dancers. Eyes glazed over. Pupils dilate. Slight involuntary rhythmic swaying. (Leonard to Shelly) And clearly, to you, as to many people, life is a dance. And for that, you need a partner. A husband. (Leonard explains the dancers to Shelly) This is not some heavy-duty romance thing. More like Ben-Gay for your back after work. (Shelly proposes to Holling) We are definitely not friends, O'Connell. Think about what friends do. What do they do? They have dinners, and they have conversations, and they go to the movies, and they help each other move ... So? So? Well, friends don't go into barns and tear each other's clothes off in an uncontrolled sexual frenzy and then proceed to go at it in the dirt. (Joel to Maggie) Look, you can delude yourself all you want, but this thing between us, whatever it might be, is not something that you're going to domesticate by putting in a box and mislabelling it, my Little friend. Hey! I do not have to domesticate our relationship. I can beat it to death with a stick. I can make hamburger out of it, and eat it for lunch! Fine, and you can top it off with some ersatz Alaskan cheesecake. (Joel to Maggie) I know it's short notice, but the bride-to-be is pushing for a quickie. Medical emergency. Nope, it's not what you're thinking. Anyway, I know a couple of us have been down the aisle with these people before, maybe this time, they'll make it to the altar. We'll keep our collective fingers crossed. (Chris on the air) Marriage. You've probably read in Time and Newsweek that it's a dying institution. But, try brooking a reception hall in June. Like the proverbial lemmings at the cliff, everybody's still lining up to take the big plunge. Chris, can we just get to the nitty gritty? (Chris and Shelly at the wedding) Do you take me for your lawfully wedded squeeze? Yes I do, certainly, most assuredly. Me too. Chris, put a knot on it. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you legal. May I kiss the bride? Yep. Oh! We'll suck face later, babe. Right now, I've got to check something out. (Shelly and Holling are married by Chris) How about desirous? Desirous? Mutually desirous incompatibles. (Maggie and Joel describe their relationship) When a chick wears a wedding ring, it's like a "Keep off the grass" sign. Guys just don't look at her the same anymore. They don't oogle her boobs or try to cop a feel, they don't even slap her buns when she bends over to pick up a spoon. Maybe it's hard for a guy to understand, but when a chick puts on a wedding ring, she might as well hang up her spandex pants and snakeskin boots cause her strutting days are over. I see. Hey! Babe! That doesn't mean I don't have a steel-belted radial around my heart! (Shelly to Holling, why she won't wear the ring)

4.20 Homesick Storylines ---------- Maurice moves his childhood home to Cicely. Mike decides to become an eco-warrior. Shelly redecorates. Music ----- 1. "Coolin Medley" by The Chieftains (Mike says goodbye to Cicely) Quotes ------ Uh, I don't see any flowers, Maurice. Well, of course not. They ceased to exist years ago. They exist only in my mind's eye. Oh. Very pretty. (Ed to Maurice, who is showing his home) Thanks for showing me the outside of your house. I especially enjoyed the imaginary flower bed. (Ed to Maurice) I think it's touching that two emotional cripples can find each other to lean on for support. It's a textbook case of codependency. (Joel to Maggie, on her relationship with Mike) The air in Mexico City is so toxic and dangerous that U.S. diplomats serving there are given combat pay. (Mike to Ed) I've been given a second chance. How am I going to spend it? Mowing the lawn? Walking into a 30-year fixed at eight and a half? Indulging in candlelit pizza dinners and cuddling in front of a fire or making difference. (Mike to Ed, right before a candlelit pizza dinner) What is wrong with you people? It's like some collective cabin fever! (Joel to Ruth-Anne, his opinion of supporting Mike) Not that the sex was that great. Mike was definitely a by-the-books kind of guy. No whipped cream, no kitchen tables. Nothing like that. (Maggie buys groceries from Ed) Is that my Athabascan footstool? I gave that to the painters. It was just so Pacific Northwest grunge. Didn't go with the total look. (Holling inspects Shelly's redecorating) No man could move his bowels in here! (Joel tours the pink bathroom) This is it. By 11:00 tomorrow morning, I'll be steaming towards the arctic circle. Mirmansk, well, that's just the beginning. I'm starting a journey that will take me from the rainforests of Brazil to the poisoned waters of the Vistula. To you who have made this moment possible, I give my solemn oath that whereever there's a toxic landfill, I'll be there. Wherever there's a fast-breeder plutonium reactor, I'll be there. I'll be where particulates and sulfur dioxide derivatives are seeping into the aquifers. Where the smallest refridgeration unit is leaking hydrofluorocarbons, I'll be there. So, my dear friends, "fare thee well, and if forever, still forever, fare thee well." (Mike to the crowd.) (Mike quotes "Farewell to Frances" by George Moses Horton)

4.21 The Big Feast Storylines ---------- Shelly breaks a bottle of wine. Adam shows up with Eve and the baby. Maurice has a party. Quotes ------ Maurice is having a party? What for? Because he's alone and rich. (Joel to Marilyn, seeing her invitation) This cake set me back 10 Gs. (Maurice brags about the cost) They're monuments to himself. Maurice celebrating Maurice... You know how he is. He likes to play lord of the manor--invite all the serfs up to the castle. (Ruth-Anne's opinion of Maurice's parties) Who do we have here? Cain? Abel? (Joel sees Eve's new baby) ...the cream and the brandy and the paprika blending with the juices of my mouth, moving me to the pinnacle of gustatory ecstasy. (Adam instructs the servant) ...Heimlich maneuver workshop to be announced (Chris with a pre-party public service announcement) I once substituted lawn clippings for dillweed and Adam said it was my best dish yet. (Eve helps Shelly fake a wine) Isn't this dirt? It will add sediment and a nice earthy undertone...Hmm, let's try a little more of the green food coloring. (Shelly and Eve concocting a Chateau Le Tour) Of course I'm a genius. Are you blind! Are you deaf! What do you think I've been devoting my life to all these years? Tuna casserole!? (Adam to the dinner table, about his cooking) Maurice J Minnifield, our generous host, friend, and employer. I'm sure I join everyone in saying thank you for these very fine eats and drinks. You are a real American. You're an ex-marine and astronaut, you are America. You're rich, you're rapacious, you're progress without a conscience, paving everything in its path. You're 5% of the earth's population, yet consuming 25% of the earth's natural resources. You pay a lot of taxes, you do a lot of charity work--most of it is tax deductible, but your heart is in the right place. One thing's for certain, you have impeccable taste in the booze. (Chris toasts Maurice at the party)

4.22 Kaddish for Uncle Manny Holling dances with Marilyn. Joel searches for ten Jews. Chris's arch enemies come to town. Quotes ------ You guys came all the way to Alaska to fight me? Yep. What's it going to be? Fists, conventional weapons, what? (Chris to the Miller boys) Guys, is it cool if my brother Bernard gets in on the action? What, me?! (Chris and Bernard meet the Miller boys) It's been a long time, Bernard, since these knuckles have laid open a Miller. You get to miss it, the feel of splitting flesh, the taste of salty blood in your mouth. Doesn't that sound a little primitive to you? Oh, yeah, it's totally primitive. That's what makes it so great--back to the caves, right brain all the way...You can dress it up any way you want, but anthropologically speaking, we're only a nanosecond away from spears, loincloths, and sleeping up in the trees. (Chris and Bernard look forward to the fight) You need nine guys on a field to play baseball and ten men in a room to say kaddish. (Joel to Ed, explaining a minyon) As close as we are today, tomorrow when we come back from that battlefield, we will be as close as two men can possibly be, sharing a bond that can only be forged in the face of imminent disfigurement. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. (Chris to Bernard about the upcoming fight) Jewish people are a lot like Chinese people, only with a sense of humor. (Maurice advises the Jew-searchers) He moves like an Elk. (Marilyn to Shelly, about Holling) Ed, you actually knocked. Yeah, I guess I did. Sorry. (Joel to Ed) Jews don't wear red suspenders, don't slobber tobacco on their beard, they don't hitch, and they don't have names like Buck. (Joel to Ed, doubting the Jewish person) Here I am, a certified public accountant, ready to sacrifice years of dental work for an ancestral vendetta which I knew nothing about until yesterday. (Bernard to Maggie) Have Torah, will travel. (The riders in Joel's dream come to serve as a minyon) If I let Holling on that dance floor without me, it's going to be open season. I might as well paint a bull's eye on his undies. (Shelly tells Marilyn that Holling can't dance) He moves nice, it's his stillness that's not good. (Marilyn to Shelly, why she fired Holling) What you're saying is, our mutual enmity is what defines us? Take it away, and what do you have to get up to in the morning? Be like taking away a wall we've been leaning against our whole lives. We'd just fall down. (Chris, Bernard, and a Miller boy call off the fight)

4.23 Mud and Blood Storylines ---------- Joel is plagued by mosquitos. Holling wants to plant something. Maurice buys a truffle-seeking pig. Maggie heals people/things. Quotes ------ Weird, isn't it? Somehow in the dead of winter when its 40 below, so cold your words just freeze in the air, you think you'll never hear a robin's song again or see a blossom on a cherry tree, when one day you wake up and bingo, light coming through the mini blinds is softened with a tick of rose and the cold morning air has lost its bite. It's spring once again, the streets are paved with mud and the hills are alive with the sound of mosquitos. Speaking of which, we're just a couple of days away from the annual mosquito festival which promises to be an out of sight bash. Local vintners predict a vintage Beaujolais after a near-perfect crowberry season. KBHR's contribution this year--truffles. You heard me right, those sensual gems of loamy soil of Alaskan black truffles. Courtesy of the good graces and deep pockets of Maurice Minnifield we have purchased us a prize, truffle-rooting pig and the hunt begins tomorrow. (Chris) You know what I prayed? In February I actually prayed for spring to come to relieve us of this oppressive, relentless, dismal, dark winter. What was I thinking? I must have been out of my mind. How could I forget the mosquitos? It's like the state bird of Alaska. (Joel to Marilyn) What does this remind you of? Weddings. Weddings and rat turds. Tell you what it reminds me of...planting. Those granules of life just ready to snuggle down into the earth, crack open their little shells, set root and grow. (Holling to Shelly, running his hands through rice) I intend to strap a harness plow to my back and till the soil myself. I want to feel the sweat beading on my brow. I want to raise blisters on my hands. I want my body to throb and ache at the end of the day. (Holling begs Ivory Springer to let him farm) Skeeters are very magnificent creatures. I mean, think about the sex. Sex? Yeah, they have the same hardware we do--testes, penis, vagina, only they're way past the missionary thing, man. For them it's always the women on top. Well, that's interesting, but it doesn't change the bottom line. Mosquitos are a hellish, disease-carrying plague on mankind, so to have a festival for them is ridiculous. (Chris explains the 'why' of the festival to Joel) The thing that gets my juices flowing is the whole truffle metaphor thing. You know? Think about it, Maurice, how the dank corruption of the forest floor, the black root of humus becomes this perfect food. You know? This total gift of nature, the whole gestalt is so, spring. Stevens, is anything simple to you? Maurice, life and death rolled up in one little fungus. What could be simpler man? (Chris and Maurice discuss truffles) Wilbur, coffee grounds, onion skins, and chicken fat. Will you please eat? (Chris encourages the pig to eat) I think you're going through a metamorphosis, a total reconfiguration and meltdown of your core. From the grim reaper to the angel of mercy. From Lizzy Borden and Florence Nightingale. (Chris to Maggie, on why she suddenly is a "healer") Fleischman, you're so typically male! (Maggie to Joel) Anyone who thinks they are the next best thing to penecillin is definitely deluding themselves! (Joel to Maggie, on her heailing ability) For winter's rains and ruins are over, and all the season of snows and sins the day is dividing lover and lover the light that loses and the night that wins frosts are slain and flowers begotten and in the green underwooden cover blossom by blossom, spring begins to the hearty mosquito, Cicelians! (Chris' toast at the mosquito festival)

4.24 Sleeping With The Enemy Maurice's son visits with his bride to be. Holling is "in need." Ed dubs a movie into Tlinket. Quotes ------ My nips are as big as double-drop chocolate cookies. (Shelly to Maggie, on being pregnant) You swam through frozen water and walked through snow, all for Johnny? Wow, that's a great story. I think I'll go take an epsom salt. (Shelly to Holling, missing the moral of the story) Haven't you ever just laid next to a woman and soaked up her aura? No. Well, me neither, really. It's like a Western cultural thing. We think the whole point of sex is consummation, ejaculation. Let me tell you, things go down a lot different in other parts of the world. Take the Hindu Tantrics for example. These guys approach sex like a process. It's touching, it's sexual connection on a spiritual level. (Chris to Holling) You know what a normal American kid would have done? Spit in your eye and put your jeep in a ditch. You bet. He would have done what he damn well pleased, but not my son. (Maurice and Dave, lamenting Duk Won's politeness) One oatmeal. No butter, no cream, no fun. No heart attack. (Shelly serves Joel) It's like my chickness just disappeared. Am I ever going to want to shoot the moon, or want Johnny again? (Shelly to Joel, about not wanting sex)

4.25 Old Tree Storylines ---------- Vicky is dying. Shelly is singing. Maggie is nice. Music ----- Turn, Turn, Turn. The Birds (Closing credits) Quotes ------ What is it? It's spontaneity, it's mobility, it's freedom! It's a headset? Sitting in that booth every day, I started feeling like Prometheus chained to that rock, eagle pecking at my liver. Stuck. Glued. Did that confinement box my thoughts? You bet it did. (Maggie delivers a package to Chris) If I didn't have golf up here, they'd be sending me to Bellevue in a straightjacket with a rag stuffed in my mouth. (Joel to Maggie, justifying his lateness) Let's get the blanket stitched. (Maurice opens a town meeting) I'm the doctor, I don't know anything about trees. Let us decide that. We paid for your education, let us use it the way we see fit. (Maurice to Joel) What is it about genus arboretum that socks us in the figurative solar plexus? We see a logging truck go cruising down the road, stacked with a bunch of those fresh-cut giants, we feel like we lost a brother. Next thing you know, we're in The Brick, we're flopping money down on the bar. Wood. We're under a roof. Wood. We're walking the floors. Wood. Grabbing a pool cue. That's wood. Our friends in the forest carry a set of luggage from the mythical baggage carousel. Tree of life, tree of knowledge, family tree, Budda's Bodhi tree. Page one of life, in the beginning. Genesis 3:22. Adam and Eve. They're kicking back in the garden of Eden and boom, they get an eviction notice. Why is that? "Lest they should also take of the tree of life, eat and live forever." A definitive Yahweh no-no. Bo good to yourself Cicely, go out and plant a wet one on a tree. (Chris on the air) The trees indeed have hearts... (Chris reads Thoreau) I like power tools, Maurice, you know that. All that harnessed violence just throbbing in my hands, not to mention the wanton vandalism, reducing to sawdust in a few minutes what took hundreds of years to create. Artistically, we're talking about some heavy-duty deconstruction...I read Heidegger in the shade of that tree, "Being And Time", his masterpiece. Authentic existence, inauthentic existence. (Chris to Maurice, refusing to cut down Old Vicky) When someone dies, it makes you think of the things you wish you had done, and the things you wish you hadn't....Trees like to have kids climb on them, but trees are much bigger than we are, and much more forgiving. (Ruth-Anne to Ed, recalling Old Vicky) You think I'm paranoid!? You think I'm hallucinating this cast? (Joel to Maggie)

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